AKA- Monthly review March 2020
I’ve been keeping my Bullet Journal up- sort of- it’s mostly been journaling since we have absolutely nothing to track for an actual schedule. But that gives me lots of “content” to draw from to remember this month and write about it.
DJDM and I started the month off really well. I finally had my brace taken off my arm, what a relief, and it shifted our relationship again, now that I was not depending on him for everything. Felt good, but also awkward readjusting. Around the same time that all this Coronavirus stuff started and we were staying in even more than we already had been. (Working from home and studying full time.) I was only leaving for my PT appointments. OY!
So, yeah there was some stress again. Sadly some of it was drunken drama stress. But the good thing is, well there wasn’t much good in that one, except, us still learning again and again who we are as a couple, and also for me, where my boundaries are. I am VERY clear on that now… and so is he. So I guess that is good! LOL
Since then, it’s been amazing. I hate that this relationship has had so much drama, but also, hey- we are in lockdown so, what else do we have to do? I did catch up with my counselor for a few weeks of “check-up” sessions, and I was very frank with her about how things were going. She gave me some good tips and also reassured me about the state of our relationship. She was also my counselor when I was with my ex- and I had some fears that I was falling into some of the same old bad habits. She reassured me, I wasn’t, helped me to find some ways to handle the issues I was worried about with rejection and abandonment, and I feel good in the end about things, even when they get dramatic.
He got me two-dozen long-stemmed red roses the other day and surprised me with them, that was super sweet. We’ve also figured out a nice routine that seems to work well for us. We basically stay at opposite ends of the apartment for the majority of the day. He usually cleans the house while I work, then studies or does other things. (One day he was studying maps of the city so he would know where more things are when we can leave the house again! LOL) I work, read, pretend to write, do some artsy things, and generally lounge about, usually in the bedroom. We come back together in the late afternoon usually, and hang out, watch TV/movies, cook dinner, etc. The usual “couple” things. It really seems to work well for us.
The best afternoons though are days I don’t have much work to do. When he checks in on me and I am not doing anything… he shows up a few minutes later, music pumping in the other room, with a bottle of wine, two glasses, and some weed… and we have a fun very sexy afternoon. We’ve done that at least 3-4 times now.
We’ve had some super sexy nights too! We recreated our favorite night when he was visiting me in Ecuador. Me, bent over the couch, splayed out, him fucking me HARD from behind while spanking me with his leather belt… OH YES! One night he did a silly striptease for me while I used my cell phone as a disco light and hooted at him like he was really on stage… LOL We do have fun!
Polycule update: Stefan has been very much in touch. Especially for the way our relationship works. When all this started to happen in the world, he was checking in almost every day, giving me ideas on ways to stock up, making sure we were ok here in Colombia, updating me on how he and his family were preparing. It’s been very connecting for us. Truly, he’s been better than ever at keeping in touch and staying connected with me since I saw him in November. (I’ve mentioned it before.) The sad thing is that now with all of this happening, I have no idea if I’ll be able to go to Germany this summer as planned, or even be able to afford it even if it becomes an option.
Regardless, I feel good about my relationship with him right now. My aunt used to tell me that your friendship with a partner is what keeps you together when the love changes. I think that’s also true in a long-distance relationship. Especially one in which you just don’t know WHEN you’ll be able to see each other again. We are not the type to sext or talk dirty to each other, (he did send me a bathtub nude this month and that was a total first!!!) but we are friends to the end and that is something we truly enjoy and I think it’s why we’re still together almost 4 years later.
Benjamin? Well, I hear from him less and less. And when I do hear from him, he is talking about sex. He is currently interested in exploring his submissive side, which I fully encourage. The thing is, he is usually my Dom. I am not very interested in being his top. We play sometimes in sexts or he’ll video call me and ask me to tell him to do things… and I am ok with that for a bit, but he knows I am not interested in person, and it’s not that interesting when its the ONLY thing he ever connects with me for these days. He hasn’t even checked on me once during the quarantine. I have checked on him, sent messages and I get very short answers or he changes the subject to sexy things again. Maybe it’s his way of coping? But he was doing it before this all went down. I guess we’ll see.
Well, I guess there isn’t much to talk about here. My tourist visa will expire in April and we are waiting for immigration to open again so we can get my 90-day extension approved. All signs point to there being no problem, but I am always nervous until I know for sure. We canceled all our Costa Rica plans. We should be there right now as a matter of fact. I am supposed to go to Berlin in July- August- September. But as of right now, I am not even trying to make any plans to leave until our quarantine is lifted and we see what the rest of the world is doing.
Good Lord is there a LOT of food. DJDM has been totally getting into the cooking. On at least 3-4 occasions he has not only made dinner but dug into recipes on the internet and made us a nice extra special dinner- pork chops with mustard cream sauce, sweet and sour chicken, pork medallions with a sweet onion cream gravy and rice with ginger…. You get the idea! I love sitting back, reading my book and drinking some wine while he cooks. (We drink A LOT of wine! Thank goodness PriceSmart – Costco’s South America company) delivers wine by the case LOL) I’ll just leave you a lot of pics here.
Today is day 28 of 38 days of legal quarantine. (I only left the house for PT sessions for at least 14 days before that… so I’ve been inside a LONG time.) Our quarantine is not like what others are experiencing in the US and UK etc. It is not a “nice to do,” “please try” kind of proposition. It is complete isolation/quarantine.
For example, DJDM can only leave the house one day this week, and if he goes any place other than the grocery store, pharmacy, or bank, he could be fined what is equal to $250 USD (this is more than many people’s monthly salary here.) Next week, and the last few weeks, he could leave on two different days. It changes weekly. The days you are allowed to leave the house are based on the last digit of your ID number.
I say DJDM can leave because we agreed early on that he would be the one to go to the market etc. I have lungs that are pretty easily susceptible to “stuff” and don’t want to risk it. Plus I am way more used to being in the house for days on end because I work from home and often get into a flow of NOT leaving. We were able to find and purchase for N95 masks, so he is allowed to go into the market once he gets there. Thank goodness we don’t have the same shortages as the US does in this right now.
We have been keeping busy, cooking, reading, and doing art. The other day I was doodling on the couch and he was coloring at the desk… it was a lovely way to spend the afternoon together. I have joined a few artsy Facebook groups and have really been glad to have the outlet because this writing thing has NOT been going well since the whole thing started. My mind is just not able to focus. I want to, I really had big hopes for what I wanted to do with the www.ELByrneWriter.com blog and this post isn’t even for that one!
But I am giving myself permission to be ok with what I can do right now. I am giving myself permission to focus on being artsy and not writing. I need to do what I can to keep my head in a good space. It’s weird, I find myself almost hoping the quarantine will be extended. I don’t know if it’s because I am afraid of what will happen when we all go back out into the sun, or because I am enjoying the lack of pressure now. But whatever it is, I am trying to just let it all flow.
A few days before lockdown, we found a perfect apartment for us. But we knew quarantine was coming, so we didn’t want to commit to this place and have to pay but not be able to live there and pay two rents. We have NOTHING, our current apartment is fully furnished. So in order to move into a new place, we are starting from scratch- there was no way we could have made that happen in time, and then the guy was pressuring us too, so we walked away. I am still hopeful that it will be available when this is all over. We will contact the guy as soon as we hear if the quarantine will actually end on April 27 or not. I am hopeful we can get this place, but then we don’t know how long I can actually stay in the country, but either way, DJDM needs a place to live… so many moving parts!
I am hoping everyone is hanging in there. Give yourself grace to just do what you can. Don’t put too much pressure on yourselves right now. Wash your hands and stay in the house!!! Hugs and love from “Cuatenena!”