A Magical Moment and Letting It Go

I had an amazing magical first date, with KS, this weekend. Amazing as in, I kept looking at him and in my head thinking… “OMG I am going to fall in love with you!” “I am already half in love with you!” “You are so freaking amazing, whatever am I going to do?”

He sent me a message on OK Cupid, and his first question to me was “Any big wishes you would like to see come true in 2018?” after that, the deep conversations just flowed between us. His photo shows a man with an open face, and light eyes shining with kindness, but the conversation was so “next level” that when he invited me to meet for coffee, I jumped at the chance. I thought to myself; at best, we really hit it off, at worst, I have a really interesting conversation with a seemingly cool guy. So, off I went to meet him for coffee at a little cafe down the street.

The first thing I noticed was that he is not only tall, he is SUPER TALL. When he stood up to hug me hello, I had to crane my neck UP to see his face. I am a really tall girl, and he is still so much taller than me. He is also much better looking than his photo in the profile too.

He gave me a nice hug, (he smelled so good when he put his arms around me,) and we sat down, ordered our coffees, and settled in to chat. It was so easy! We talked, and talked, and talked. I even found myself leaning in, getting closer, hearing him, watching him, noticing every little movement and facial expression. I even thought about HOW I was listening, and actively reminded myself to be present, and not to interrupt (something I have a tendency to do because I am always going so fast!) There were so many “moments.” He told me he wants to have magic in his life! (Me too!) We said the same thing at the exact same moment, more times than I can count! He shared about his existing relationships, I shared about mine. I stopped him twice to write something he said down, because it was so profound, and I wanted time to go back and think about those thoughts later.

There was a brief moment, where he touched my arm. There was this, energy, that flowed between us, it was almost physical, it felt that strong.  Wow!

Eventually, we were both hungry and wanted to keep spending time together, so we headed off for some dinner. We stepped out into the cold drizzling winter rain to go grab some pizza, and have more amazing conversations. I mean seriously! We both acknowledged that there was this amazing connection between us, and we couldn’t believe we met on an online dating app, just a few days before, and we didn’t want the time together to end just yet.

Once the food was gone, and we’d shared another cup of coffee, we knew we were still not done. We decided that we needed wine, on the couch, and my flat was only a few blocks away, so I invited him over to continue our evening. We laughed our way through a purchase of hopefully good red wine, and hooked arms to walk home. I couldn’t believe I had to look UP to talk to him. As tall as I am, I have never dated a man this tall before. It’s so sexy! I actually had butterflies in my belly as we walked to my place.

We poured the wine and settled in to continue the “gab fest” on my couch. We talked about personality profiles, MBTI and Enneagram, and love languages. He was amazing. He listened with such intensity that it made me listen to him with a similar intensity. I put my legs over his lap, and he gently rubbed my calves and my feet as we talked. Time just seemed to go on and on.

Finally, we moved so we were close enough to kiss, our faces were inches apart, but we were STILL talking. I finally touched his face and told him that he needed to kiss me. And so he did. It was magic. Slow, gentle, easy, passionate, but so sublime…

I kept thinking to myself, “I am half in love with you already!”

It was almost 12:30 and he said to me, “Should I stay?” YES of course you should! But, I told him, “But maybe we don’t have sex tonight, ok?” He easily agreed, and we washed up and got into bed.

There was more energy and magic in his embrace than I have ever felt. It was so gentle and so beautiful, he caressed my skin lightly, and held me as we started to fall asleep. Before we could fall asleep, he whispered in my ear that he wanted to please me. He wanted to make me feel good. He asked if he could do that for me, for that moment. It took me a minute to decide, because I know myself, and I wanted him so badly, but because of the barrage of things I was feeling about him in that moment, I was afraid to give in, afraid to give him too much too soon. But also, I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to feel his body next to mine. So I agreed to let him take care of me.

We kissed some more, and I just let my mind go free, and focused on truly feeling his touch. I felt the magic of this crazy connection we had. Every place his skin touched mine, I felt alive. Every cell was tingling with spiritual energy, with love really.

He moved down my body, and because he had told me he wanted to please me, and because he had told me his turn-on is pleasing, I didn’t worry about how long it was taking, or if I should  try to make myself come, I just let him touch me. I felt every stroke of his tongue, every nuance of where he placed his hands, his fingers, and his mouth. Every warm breathe radiated up through my body and I swear lodged itself directly in my heart. I relaxed into the moment and he touched me until I was shaking, my whole body vibrating with the connection, and I thought I would never stop coming.

When it was over, he came back to the top of the bed, gently pushed the sweaty hair off my forehead, kissed me, and asked if I was ok. Oh yes, I was more than ok. Then he wrapped me in his giant arms and we fell asleep.

In the morning, there was no awkwardness at all between us. Before he knew I was awake, he woke up, and was gently rubbing my arm and shoulder, then he kissed the back of my neck and left to take a shower. I laid there, and stretched and enjoyed the sounds of him moving around my flat. When he came back and saw I was still in bed, he climbed back in for a quick make-out session which ended in me coming again, this time with just his fingers.

We we finally climbed out of bed, I made us some coffee and he went to re-shower. By the time he came out again, the coffee was made, and I was sitting on the couch in my cami and panties, watching him easily move through the room. He has such a confident presence. I loved seeing him just inhabiting his space.

We sat on the couch chit-chatting for a while before he reluctantly got up to leave. We never made any promise or any plans to see each other again. He just held me at the door, told me how glad he was to have met me, kissed me good-bye and left.

When I closed the door, I immediately took a deep breathe. I know he has a very busy few months coming up. And since we didn’t make any plans, I felt like I needed to do something very important for myself in that moment. I took that deep breathe, I placed my hands on my heart, faced the door, and pushed my hands forward and open. I let him go. I decided, in that moment, to allow all this magic to be just this one magical moment. I determined not to put any pressure on it, no pressure to see what else it could do, or be, but to just let whatever might come later, to come.

In that moment, it was perfect. It was beautiful. It was pure magic and I wanted to honor that moment, and let it be. Pure. Magic. I don’t know what will happen next. In my experience, magic as pure as this doesn’t last, it changes it grows, but it’s never THIS beautiful or THIS magical again. That’s ok. I will always have THIS one Magical Amazing Moment, that one time, when I met this really great guy.

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