Body Image, Let’s Talk

Ok Ladies, let’s talk body image. I know, I know, this is a sex and dating blog! So why are we talking about body image? Because, Uhh, Ladies… You cannot possibly be having amazing orgasms if you are always worried about the way you look. Turning off the lights, worrying about what he thinks about your body. This cannot be good for your orgasms.

The other day I watched a YouTube video about a sex technique, (hey, a girl’s gotta do her homework…) and the whole first five minutes of the “lesson” was the “dude” instructor, telling his male audience how important it is to make his woman feel good about herself. How important it is that she is able to be in the moment if he wants her to have a truly awesome sexual experience. He said, (I am paraphrasing a bit here, but…) “If she turns off the lights when you go to the bedroom to have sex, it’s because she feels self conscious about her body. If she is always worried about what she looks like, or what angle you are seeing her in, or if you think she looks good or not, she is never going to relax enough to have the awesome orgasms I am teaching you how to give her. So your number one priority, step one to giving her a great orgasm, is to make her feel beautiful and comfortable.”

Hmmmmm… He’s not wrong. We do need to feel comfortable, and safe and good about ourselves to be relaxed enough to have great orgasms. And wow, if you have a lover who can help you be all of those things, keep him close! But I have a question for you.

What if?

Now stay with me here, this might feel a little uncomfortable, but seriously, if you’ve been reading the stories about my sexual adventures, a little frank talk here should not be too difficult to get through… what if, it was MY OWN #1 Priority to make MYSELF feel beautiful and comfortable?? {{Mind Blown yet?!}}

The shitty part is, I am not going to tell you how to do this. This is not a, 4 Ways to Feel Good About Yourself Today, kind of article. I cannot tell you how to make this transformation for yourself. I wish I could. I would market it right now and be a millionaire tomorrow. But it’s something I strongly believe will make a difference in your life, and particularly in your sex life.

So, you presumably have read one or two of the stories I have written here, (and there are sooo many more, I haven’t written or maybe they just aren’t that interesting, anyway I digress…) have you wondered what I look like? If I am having this much sex, and this much fun having all these sexual adventures, then I must be a super model type who works out every day, runs half-marathons, and has a weekly Brazilian blow-out before her Brazilian bikini wax, right?

Uhm, nope. This is me, a sketched today by a good looking young man (34), who while he was working, told me he loved my body at least 5 times. (Nudity! Sorry!)

Sketched by Paco

Yeah, so, not only do I have a very normal body. I have, let’s say, a bit larger body. I have been in my lifetime over 326 pounds, and I have been 160 pounds. Now, I am almost exactly in the middle of those numbers, and today I am the most confident and feel the sexiest I have ever felt in my life. Now, some of it has to do with being in my 40’s, (Young Ladies, just wait! It gets even better!!!), some of it just comes from experience, some of it just comes. I took off my clothes without even a little bit of nervousness, and even walked around the kitchen to get him and I a glass of wine, without getting dressed again. (Admittedly, I MAY have had a sexual encounter with him and his wife in the past, so this isn’t the first time he has seen me naked, but still, this was in the living room, and we were not in a sexual moment. He really was there just to sketch me, mostly.)

In my life, there are at least two defining moments, that come to mind, that made me feel sexy and helped me have some of the confidence I have today.

I’ll tell you about them in a continuation post, next week.

Until then, take heart, take stock. Think about some things you can do to make yourself feel sexy, and to stop worrying about if he likes your body or not.

Have you ever worried about what a guy thought of you naked while you were having sex?Did it make you feel less comfortable? Does this worry you often?


Here’s a fictional story I wrote about dealing with body image.

And Finally, Salsa


2 Replies to “Body Image, Let’s Talk”

  1. Someone has to ask.

    What about men’s body image?

    You don’t seem to concern yourself therewith. After all, between the photographs you select and the descriptions you write, the men all seem to be Perfect Specimens. If you believe a man can’t have body-image issues, you are misinformed.

    I don’t begrudge the fact that you have your pick of the litter. I take issue with your rhetoric extolling the virtues of imperfection while insisting on near-perfection from your male partners. At this point I will describe myself as having been 160 pounds, and now at 245 pounds all on a 5.5-foot frame. We all know that the Big Beautiful Woman is a much–and-pursued person (I married two), but who lusts and drools after the overweight man?

    I’ll wait.

    No, I won’t. Because the answer is “hardly anyone.” I know that quite well. When my wife and I were swingers, they flocked to her and looked at me as if to say “Chauffeurs must wait in the car.” Now I’m observing 12 years without sex from my menopausal spouse and finding a lover has become impossible because they “don’t like big guys.”

    You can speak of “confidence is sexy” and “you’re as sexy as you feel” all you wish but I know different. I don’t even want to bring up ENM to my wife because I am dead certain I’ll be left in the sexual dust again until I shave off another 75 pounds. This is what I have *seen*. It’s the reality. When I write about, many accuse me of “whining.” Some have the temerity of going into the “alpha/beta male” fallacy, as if we’re a species of pack animal. It’s like I’m not allowed the same heartbreaking issues.

    I suppose I should run my ass off as an experiment to see who jumps at the lure. It will likely prove my point. Maybe grow a beard, too.

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