Welcome to the February review! Not a super busy month- but full of life lessons non-the-less!
So you may remember from last month’s review that my first month back in Colombia and living with DJDM was rough. I mean really difficult. We fought for the first time(s) ever and at least twice he was packing his bags and preparing to leave. That level of Rough!! Today I am happy to say, I feel sure that we are past that phase.
The past three weeks or so everything has totally changed. We had one final rough night, but the next day we talked very calmly, over text. I decided to stay out of the house for the day to refocus my energy. (Also, sometimes because of our language differences, texting is better for us.) He went out to lunch with a female friend, seeking some alternate viewpoints. I never asked him what he learned or how it went, or with whom he had lunch. He needed to do his thing, and I wanted to give him the space to do so. All I know is that since that day, things have been better and better.
I had my wrist surgery a few days later, and I was worried it was improving because he was taking care of me… but the way things changed feels too real, too spiritual almost, to be just because I need help. If things weren’t good between us, I think he would resent having to stay here and take care of me, but the way things have been getting better feels to us both like we’re falling in love all over again. This time we’re finding each other in ways more soft and gentle. It’s been lovely, so full of snuggling, forehead kisses, and deeper and deeper talks.
Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone knows no relationship is perfect. We still have our moments, but we’re doing much better at talking through things and redirecting frustrations. We still have language issues, cultural clashes to overcome, personality differences… but I feel so much better about our ability to overcome all those things now, compared to last month!
We had a threesome the other night!! He told me a while ago that this friend of his had a little crush on me because I find it extremely difficult to tell when someone likes me when it hasn’t been prearranged in some app! But one evening, she came over to visit, we had a private balcony “dance party” with wine (always wine!) and one thing led to another… It was a ton of fun. (Gonna write about that next!) I have to say, one thing about dating a man who is a swinger at heart, is that his heart was FULL of both excitement and extra love like crazy over the next few days. It means a lot to him that I am open to the swinging side of our relationship, and he LOVED watching me enjoy myself with D. She came over again this weekend, but just for a quick glass of wine on her way out with some friends. I am looking forward to us being with her again soon!
As for Benjamin and Stefan, things are still going well with them, and we are keeping in touch regularly enough for us all. Some weeks more than others… a little sexy talking with Benjamin lately has been fun too.
If you remember the story Sunday Afternoon– A contacted me again. I hate to admit that I had totally forgotten he was in town still. We decided that we may go out for a glass of wine and see where it goes. We both seem to be pretty attracted to each other still, at least in text. We’ll see. I told DJDM about him the other day and that we want to go for a date. His response was, “Nice! Go, enjoy your time!” with this look of pure sexiness. I truly felt like he was excited for me (and for him- I know he’s gonna love to hear about it all afterward!) I’m nervous. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s my first date with a new guy, a local guy, since being with DJDM or if it’s A I’m nervous about. (he can be pretty intense!) But I’ll feel my way through this week and I am sure I will tell you about the result in next month’s review.
I haven’t actually been anywhere since I got here to Medellin. But we are steadily making our plans for our next trip. (Still a secret to all!) This will be our first trip fully together. He came to see me in Ecuador last fall, but this next trip we plan to fly and literally travel together. The complicated part is that DJDM needs a Visa for this next adventure, so he has been working on gathering all the paperwork and info he needs to go apply for that Visa. We expect that appointment to happen in the next two weeks. Fingers crossed he gets it and we are all set for our trip!
You all know, this review post wouldn’t be the same without some great photos of yummy food! I love local food and the price is so right! It’s healthy and yummy! On Sunday afternoon we had fish, rice, soup, etc. Each plate was only about $12, but so huge and so delicious. Also, I am SO freaking excited! I found a second hand Instant Pot! I have been going crazy making yummy food and trying new things. Our place doesn’t have an oven, so this has been both a godsend and a super cool creative outlet!
So- about 2.5 weeks ago- I had arthroscopic surgery on my wrist. I fell in December on the Middle East cruise and broke my wrist as well as ruptured a ligament and tendon. The bone healed perfectly but the ligaments needed surgery.
DJDM has been amazing helping me. My arm is in a full brace for a month, so I can’t put on my own bra or clip my hair, clean the house, cook… nothing! (Well, as time goes on I can do a little more and more- but he’d really rather I not until the doctor gives the ok!) I got the stitches out last week so at least I can shower and wash my own hair (one-handed!) but I was going to the salon down the street to wash and straighten it every 5 days or so- That was actually really nice! (and only cost me about 7$ USD each time!)
Healthcare in Colombia you ask?
- Nurses are amazing no matter where you are!
- I have the best hand specialist in the country- and can text him as needed. He even answers pretty quickly.
- From the time my GP called him herself to get me an appointment to my surgery date (including an x-ray and arthroscopic MRI with contrast) was only about 3 weeks
- The processes are a little different but navigable and of course, having DJDM helps!
- Including my GP appointment, x-rays, MRI, specialist appointments, surgery, anesthesia, etc… I didn’t even meet my 3K$ deductible from my International Medical Insurance
I joined a Women’s Circle that meets every week. That’s been a nice way to focus on me, my needs, and looking inside a bit. Plus it’s lovely to make new friends. The two gals I am friends with here have been so busy, that I’ve only seen one of them once since I’ve been back. I need more girlfriends in my life. (I miss Berlin!) It has also been really good to remind myself that when I focus on ME, not always on US, that I’m happier, healthier and a much better partner. I have also been doing more of my art too. I am not a true artistic talent, but what I do I love and it makes me feel good and fills my soul. I think that’s all that matters.
I sometimes find it difficult to get out of the house. I get started working when I wake up, (I wake up pretty late so getting started right away is important since my co-workers may be looking for me to get things done!) But that means I am usually still in my PJ’s so mid-way through the day I don’t often make time to get dressed and get going. Also, the coffee shops here just don’t have the level of comfort they do in Germany, so my couch feels like a pretty great place to stay for the day. However, now with my arm injured and being out of commission, I am staying in even more than usual. When DJDM leaves in the morning for English classes, if I am not awake and ready to go (I am NEVER awake and ready to go), I can’t put on my own bra to leave, until he gets back. That’s been a little (ok- a lot) frustrating.
The thing I have found the most amazing this month is the level of intimacy, the level of vulnerability I have had to allow for myself in order to let DJDM take care of me as he has. (In the beginning, he even had to help pull up my panties!) The funny thing is earlier this year, I wrote this post about opening my heart more, I Am Good at Sex, It’s the Relationship Parts I Can’t Do! I knew to be in this relationship this year, living with DJDM, being in my first relationship of this level since I left my husband, was going to require me to be open, to be vulnerable, to lean in, and learn more about myself. I just never expected it to be quite so literal as needing him to dress me and do my hair. Needing him to do all the housework, take care of everything… I kind of hate it. But also, I love how close this has brought us and how close we continue to grow.
You never know how life lessons are going to come to you, but I am glad that I am open to feeling and loving and going through the experience and now coming out on the other side even more full of love, and continuing to grow personally.