Self Discovery

This story about masturbation is for the Erotic Journaling Challenge- Catch up week. Catching up to Week 4- Exploration.


She opened the pages of the latest Campus Life magazine, and as was her habit, started reading from the back. Her mother had encouraged her to apply to be a College Ambassador for the magazine last month, and she idly wondered, if that would be something she might actually enjoy. Finally, she came to the advice column, her favorite part. It almost always talked about the sins of premarital sex and/or masturbation. Her mom was actually pretty open about sex and even French kissed her step-dad in front of her and her younger siblings (GROSS!) but she still didn’t know very much about sex except for the mechanics of it. This column gave her a chance to read between the Bible-based lines of advice to figure out what was really happening with other people her age. 

She left the living room and went to her bedroom to lay down and read the article. She didn’t really understand why but reading the questions from other confused university students almost always gave her feelings “down there.” She couldn’t describe those feelings, she didn’t have sexual words in her vocabulary, but if she guessed, she would suspect that the way she felt would be released by this masturbation thing they were always warning against.  

She lay on her stomach to read the article, a pillow propped strategically under her middle and checked the door to make sure it was locked. She went back to the article in anticipation but was quickly disappointed. It was just a question about going to a Christian college versus a secular college. So disappointing. So very disappointing. Now what? The pillow under her middle felt good, but she knew instinctively it wasn’t enough. Dang. This sucks. 

She got out of bed and went upstairs. Her mother & father were out, and her siblings were with friends. She sat on the couch, her head still in a fog. What’s up with this masturbation thing anyway? Can it really be a sin? Why would God care if it feels good? I just want to feel good “down there.”  She looked around the room listlessly. Bored. Horny, but not knowing that’s what she was. Carmen, a paperback her mom let her pick from the Christian book section at the grocery store, was laying on the table. She had already started reading the story of a 17-year old girl who was homeless and had been forced to turn to drugs and prostitution. A world so completely foreign to her own small-town Christian upbringing, that she became quickly absorbed in its pages, intrigued and appalled in equal measure. 

There were scenes and stories about prostitution, drug abuse, pimps, and of course sex. A whole world of grit and sin and terrible things, and sex. Sex. Now we’re talking. The language wasn’t explicit, but it was detailing sex in a way she had never experienced. Sex outside of a beautiful union of two godly souls, until death do they part. As she read, her hand found its way between her legs and she rubbed gently. Before long, the feelings were building up and she could no longer focus on the words on the page. 

She closed her eyes and pressed her hand harder against the zipper of her jeans. Her hips moved, trying to feel just the right spot. Just right for what, she wasn’t sure, but she wanted to find out. Some unknown instinct took over as she bucked her hips up, trying to feel more of whatever it was. She pulled her hand away, frustrated, and looked around. She stood up, grabbed a throw pillow, and placed it on the arm of the couch. Then she lowered her body onto it, centering her heat at the edge of the pillow and pressed down. 

Her body leaned forward, her legs spread further out, and she began to grind. Oh yes, this is what she wanted, this is how she wanted to feel. Her head started to buzz, she forgot to breathe, as she moved her hips and pressed them harder into the sofa. There was a new intensity to the tingling now, she pressed harder, pulling down on the couch for stability. As she ground herself into the pillow, the feeling continued to build until all of a sudden, she felt it! The release! The opening! The wetness between her legs surprised her, but she continued to bear down until every last rolling sensation flowed through her body and made her legs shake. 

She didn’t dare move, panting and shaking, as her head cleared. Eventually, she rolled off the arm and back onto the couch, her limbs fell limply to her side. Wow! So, this was what they were talking about? This was masturbation? No, wait! This was an orgasm! An actual orgasm. Hmmm… She was too exhausted to focus on it right then, but one thought crossed her mind as she nodded off to sleep, “This a sin?”


Catching up! Check out all the other awesome posts for this challenge! So many thoughtful and interesting stories!

Check out this other story I wrote about Masturbation here!

Mutual, I’m Sure!


3 Replies to “Self Discovery”

  1. No god of mine would make masturbation a sin. In my opinion, it is simply the fear and ignorance of some backwards interpretations of a book that make anyone believe that any type of sexual pleasure is a sin. If you aren’t hurting anyone or taking away anyone else’s rights, no one should have an issue with what you do to your own body. Of course, there are those people who believe we ARE hurting ourselves when we masturbate, but years of experience tell me absolutely the opposite. I’ll just keep masturbating while they sort it all out amongst themselves.

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